Hello. Long time no see. I'm back with another concern because I'm a noob in love.

So, I have this guy friend, whom I treat like my own older brother (he's 1 year older than me). We had the funniest twist to our lives - happened that he's actually a student of my school but moved out to another school on the year I enrolled. We knew each other from... Facebook...? And I happened to how his friends too. All in all, we're close to each other - we used to text all day but after he left for university, we both got busy and rarely kept in touch. But, we do fight to be the first one to wish each other's birthday up until this date. He called me sis, I called him bro. 

Lately, he's been throwing the "I love you" whenever we held conversations. And he'll be sulking if I didn't reply to his "confessions". Look, I do not know if it's normal because he never threw the words to me throughout the 6 years of knowing each other. Yes, it's been 6 years. And he began to say the words lately, and as a confused early adult who believes she had failed in all of her relationships, began to think it's a subtle hint from him. I chose not to care, but I begun to think about it even more. (side note: Why the heck he started to say those words?!) And sad to say, I kind of like it. I liked the feeling of being loved. Who doesn't? Love makes you a better man. Wrong love makes you worse than before. You see, we don't really contact each other after being in university. Both of us were getting busy, our schedules were hectic, there's no time to text all day like we used to.

Starting last day of puasa, which was 2 days ago, we started to be like we used to be. We chatted, texted, and I, unknowingly smiled to see his name lighted up on my phone. "Just brothers," I thought. Oh, I'm more comfortable to be a bro than a sis to my guy friends so it's too common to my ears to hear them calling me "My bro" so... Yeah. Yesterday, though it was 1st day of raya, we texted all day long. From morning till 2am in the morning. Only gap was us, falling asleep coincidentally on the same time. What kind of madness is this, though? This is definitely not love... I guess so? I don't think he sees me as a girl. He's way too comfortable with me to talk about every single thing, like every thing. One thing I learnt from movies, dramas, novels, and past relationships is, no guy wants to be with the girl who knows everything about him. So I'm totally out from the list...?

I don't know. I don't know anything. I have no courage to ask him - I treasure our friendship; or as what he calls it - virtual relationship. I love him, I do. I loved him since 2009, but as a sister. Nothing more nothing less. But this love is getting to another level. I need to throw all this mothafcking feelings away. I'm not comfortable, I'm sure he's not comfortable as well if he ever reads/knows about this. I hope he stops saying 'I love you' to me - it gave me hope, but at the same time I want him to keep on saying that - I love being loved by others. The heck is wrong with me? I thought my last relationship has proved to me that I'm not ready to fall in love... I thought I'm going to live by fangirling over Korean men for another few years... Was the "confessions" he said a subtle hint? Or was he saying he loves me as a brother? I am confused. Heck. Being a girl is tiring :(

It's finally day 4 of our trip to Korea, and I don't know if it's because of we slept really late the night before (maybe because of too much caffeine intake once we arrived Korea) and being extremely tired of walking, we were up almost noon. Lol talk about girls should wake up early :P 

The plan for day 4 was to visit the areas near Anguk station, Bukchon Hanok Village and Changdeokgung Palace. We set journey to Bukchon Hanok Village without having proper brunch and, like always, we got lost and just walk wherever our feet brought us to. And bam, we found it. Turned out we're at the lane number 9 or something like that, but for sure, we're not at the main entrance and didn't pay for the entrance fees. *Oops, that's our dirty little secret!*

We were really hungry after going up the hill and looking at the houses there, so we thought of finding any place to dine in. Naturally, we cancelled our plan to Changdeokgung Palace because of hunger. We were lost after exiting Bukchon Hanok Village since we exited at the other side of it and not the first road we used to go there. We asked for directions to go to the subway station. We hesitated quite lots of times as it didn't seem like we're nearing it but yeay, we managed to find it with the help of ridiculously-not-helpful map of Seoul given by the information girl.

We alighted at Jongno 3-ga station, and thought of going to this spicy baby octopus restaurant but because of the confusing map, we ended up searching for any restaurant nearby in hopes there are menus that we can eat. We walked in this small alley and there were few restaurants there. I thought of dining in this one restaurant but I think it was Imanina who pointed there's this restaurant selling soondubu jjigae and all. The menu displayed outside seemed like it's a seafood restaurant so we stepped in happily with no doubt.

But then... getting the real menu, I began to quiver. Porks. Porks. Porks. I then looked at the soondubu jjigae- alhamdulillah, seafood soondubu jjigae. The ahjumma came to take order and I've been repeating like I don't know how many times to not put any kinds of meat in it and she assured that the jjigae is prepared with vegetable stock. One thing I like about Korean restaurants is, they prepared a jug/bottle of cold water on the table so we can drink as soon as we arrived. (Malaysia, bila nak buat mcm ni? Jimat sikit tak payah bazir duit utk order air)

One thing I must say is, THAT HAEMUL SOONDUBU JJIGAE TASTES SO GOOD LUCKY US WE ORDERED 2 SERVINGS OF IT LIKE SERIOUSLY IT TASTES REAL GOOD WE WERE DRINKING THE SOUP TILL WHAT'S LEFT IS THE BOWL ITSELF. ((due to excessive hunger, we didn't take any pictures of the meal hahahaha))

Since there's time left, we decided to go Han River on Yeouido side. KBS and MBC are nearby but we got lost while trying to find MBC and since it's getting dark, we cancelled the plan to visit the buildings.

After getting lost while trying to find MBC, we went back to the subway station and decided to go to Hongdae, just to get the youth feel. It's natural to feel hungry even though you just ate few hours ago because of the cold weather. We stopped at Etude House as I need to buy some stuffs for my friends before we searched for any decent cafe to dine in. Since Imanina wanted to go to Zoo Coffee, and there's one nearby, we made way to it. The interior is actually beautiful and elegant, but it was packed with customers and some people had to go out to find other cafe to dine. 

To be honest, the coffee isn't nice, the food is quite nice, depending on what kind of food you ordered. The cheesecake is a meh but Fatihah's berry waffle is delicious! I wanted honey berry bread after seeing the couple next to us ordered it and it was really huge, not like the ordinary slice of bread you eat for breakfast. Too bad, many of their delicious range of foods were sold out so we got to order the not mainstream ones haha. We sat at the bar facing the window so we can see the outside clearly and all we saw was couples everywhere.

Basically, if you're single, you might feel uneasy and want to have a boyfriend/girlfriend as soon as possible because of the couples. Some showed PDA a bit too much, some were like innocent-kind of couples, and other kinds of couples you can imagine were there. After our modest dinner, we went back to our hostel. Since it's still early, Imanina and I decided to stroll around since we noticed there's many stalls selling good stuffs there.

Long time no see. I've been abandoning this blog a bit too long and truth be told, yes, I kind of miss to write lengthy posts daily like I used to do. As I grew older, I found that I'm slowly losing my passion in writing. And that, my dear, is not a good thing. I shall brush up my skills during holidays later.

Anyway, hello, let's briefly talk about my life after disappearing for a month plus. Basically, I've been really happy to live my real life. I've been brighter, I loved myself more than before, I spent my days with loved ones more frequent, I gained new knowledge each day, and... yeah. That's the basic output of someone who is in love. Common. 

How I wish I can talk about him here. How I wish I can tell the story from A to Z. But um, for the record, we are still... Just friends. With some sort of extra special connection and no I'm not going to tell you what is the connection. I shall keep that to only myself and when the time comes, it's a pleasure for me to tell the whole world about it. Kita hanya mampu merancang dan Allah yang menentukan.

Kind of the latest picture of mine. Was taken last Thursday. Never really like to doll up myself but I don't know what got into me that day hahaha. And I went against my rules for this blog. I thought I would never post my pictures here but hm maybe I will, but not that frequent. Friends said I look a tad thinner here. Camera trick, fellas. Waiting for my personal health trainer to guide me :)

Numbers. Upper picture represents the number of calls we shared together. Adds up to 178 calls in 2 months plus. Not bad, captain. Not bad. While the lower picture represents the number of text messages we've exchanged. It should be more than that though because I accidentally deleted the few earlier texts. Precious texts that were deleted because I was careless.  *cries in the corner*

More details will be told later and only him can know the whole story hahahah kbye

I like this guy so much and it is insane. This love is so pure. So innocent. So childish.
I feel like a 14-year-old experiencing her first puppy love.
I feel like a 14-year-old innocently admiring some famous dudes in her school.
I feel... young. #omg this is b*llshit

Fact #1

Instead of saying "okay, dear" he said "okay, rusa" to me.

Being shy while trying giving me a faint hint, eh?

T/N: Rusa is deer in English. Deer holds the same pronunciation as dear.

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Fact #2

Stays up all night because he knew that someone will accompany him.

Hint: sawadee "you"

You as in yours truly who's typing this.

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Fact #3

Me: Aww this emoticon is so cute, I want to pinch its cheek!

Him: Ouch, my cheek hurts. It's like someone pinched me

Me: So you think you're cute ah?

Him: I don't know. Your answer?

...yes.

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#tobeupdatedsoon