Assalamualaikum,
Considering that I'm a short-tempered person, I feel like I've done a great job in tolerating egoistic people. I've done more than what I thought I could in order to hold people I love and I care from leaving me. But if this goes on forever, I'm sure I'll get tired of holding on. I'll get tired of letting my heart crushed over and over again. Why bother to show appreciation to people who don't really appreciate you?
I'll try my best to win everyone's heart. To please you, to prioritize you. To put myself at the back of the line. It's okay for me to be hurt by you and other people, all I want to see is for you to smile and laugh. To be at ease, to not be troubled by problems. Your happiness is my happiness as well. Letting go... is one of the hardest things to do. I'll try to hold on as long as you put as much effort as I did. I don't know how hurt you were because of me, but to be honest, I am extremely hurt by you now.
You made mistakes but I let them slip. Why? I know people make mistakes. I know you might do the same mistakes over and over but as long as it's bearable, I'll let them slip. I see them as forgiveable, so why should I get so worked up over them, right? But then, different people have different views. Whatever I do, always bring major heartache to people. Am I stupid or am I stupid, I don't even know. All I can say is, I am slowly changing for the best. It takes time. You can't expect me to be a queen in few seconds.
Bear it with me. I make mistakes, I hurt people's feelings, even if I don't mean to. I'm changing, so please, help and guide me to stay on path. Scold me if I deserve to be scolded, not to desert me and ignore me all the time. I can't read people's mind. Don't expect me to exactly know what you're thinking. Talk to me, spill everything what you think I should know. That's how I can learn your view on me, and that's how you contribute to have me change for the best. Get it?
Not gonna blame anyone. For now, and from what other people insist to believe, I'm all to blame. My fault for being too kind, my fault for ignoring those people who're mocking me, my fault for letting my heart being crushed by people. Just so you know, I'm tired of winning. I'm tired of debating that I'm right and proving that you're wrong. I've reached my limit and soon, I'll be tired of everything. Please be the person that will prove to me that I'm wrong, that people still care about me. Still love me.
P/S: Closing my heart from everyone. No more free entry, no more heart crushing, no more good girl Hakimah. Be heartless, because typical human loves heartless people. Weird.
