Assalamualaikum,

Considering that I'm a short-tempered person, I feel like I've done a great job in tolerating egoistic people. I've done more than what I thought I could in order to hold people I love and I care from leaving me. But if this goes on forever, I'm sure I'll get tired of holding on. I'll get tired of letting my heart crushed over and over again. Why bother to show appreciation to people who don't really appreciate you?

I'll try my best to win everyone's heart. To please you, to prioritize you. To put myself at the back of the line. It's okay for me to be hurt by you and other people, all I want to see is for you to smile and laugh. To be at ease, to not be troubled by problems. Your happiness is my happiness as well. Letting go... is one of the hardest things to do. I'll try to hold on as long as you put as much effort as I did. I don't know how hurt you were because of me, but to be honest, I am extremely hurt by you now.

You made mistakes but I let them slip. Why? I know people make mistakes. I know you might do the same mistakes over and over but as long as it's bearable, I'll let them slip. I see them as forgiveable, so why should I get so worked up over them, right? But then, different people have different views. Whatever I do, always bring major heartache to people. Am I stupid or am I stupid, I don't even know. All I can say is, I am slowly changing for the best. It takes time. You can't expect me to be a queen in few seconds.

Bear it with me. I make mistakes, I hurt people's feelings, even if I don't mean to. I'm changing, so please, help and guide me to stay on path. Scold me if I deserve to be scolded, not to desert me and ignore me all the time. I can't read people's mind. Don't expect me to exactly know what you're thinking. Talk to me, spill everything what you think I should know. That's how I can learn your view on me, and that's how you contribute to have me change for the best. Get it?

Not gonna blame anyone. For now, and from what other people insist to believe, I'm all to blame. My fault for being too kind, my fault for ignoring those people who're mocking me, my fault for letting my heart being crushed by people. Just so you know, I'm tired of winning. I'm tired of debating that I'm right and proving that you're wrong. I've reached my limit and soon, I'll be tired of everything. Please be the person that will prove to me that I'm wrong, that people still care about me. Still love me.

P/S: Closing my heart from everyone. No more free entry, no more heart crushing, no more good girl Hakimah. Be heartless, because typical human loves heartless people. Weird.

Okay here's what's up. I have to create a fully functional website (html and php stuffs) and it was awesomely awful. It sucks. What is group assignment when it was done by less than half out of the number of members in the group. That was the screenshot of the main page of the site and honestly, I can't fully credit myself for it. I stole someone's code. Because, we had to. Emergency happened and we're at lost so yeah. But anyway I edited most of them so they shouldn't look the exact same as the original.

It's not like I'm complaining that I have to code. No, I have no problems with that. I love to code. It's fun and everything but here's come the minus point. Why and how can I code the whole section (there are 2 sections, actually) alone by myself without any help from you guys oh yes I do need to complain because this is about my life about my health about my brain power and um no I hate to do other people's job. Please contribute and please offer your help. I don't want to be bossy and say "You, do this and you do that while you need to plan for this."

And then came another shitty major assignment that has nothing to do with my course. I wonder why UiTM is being so stupid and let us to study on few subjects that has no relation to our courses like seriously, UiTM, you suck to the max. You want to help the Malays so it's good but um please, re-revise your policy or whatever since I feel so jealous towards friends who're studying in IPTS and they learned advanced programming stuffs from us? We learnt the most basic ones which, well, from their point of view, is such a waste of time.

To enroll in UiTM for degree is the last option in my list. Serious talk.

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My head suddenly hurts so much I had to lie down and close my eyes to chase the pain away. This isn't good. I've been getting constant headache for days now and I don't think I'll recover soon enough? I sleep too little per day. 2~3 hours of sleep per day is unhealthy for a teen like me. Wait, do I still counted as a teen or am I already in the adult phase? I don't know. Never bother to know about it. Well okay I acknowledged that I am an adult. Hm. I can't think, I should stop. Bye.

P/S: I still like the guy and things are going pretty much well :)

Jengka with its disruption of water supply problem plus the increasing temperature for Malaysians... I'm having a big problem in adapting with this problem. I'm literally swimming in my sweat. I smell so bad because of sweating excessively and this big fan in the room can't even solve this problem for me. I NEED TONS OF WATER AND ICE FOR BATHING PURPOSES and I am not joking. Really thought of swimming in a bathtub containing ice cubes. Damn. Or sliding on an ice cube naked. Or to bury myself in snow. 

Addicted to these kids. The main casts and their siblings. Too adorable to be ignored. This show helps a lot to strengthen the bond between a father and his children. One of the kids was really scared of his father, and because of this show, he became so close to his father and began to show his affection to him, same goes to his father. Who says watching Korean variety/reality shows give you nothing but bullshit? Well at least I learn a lot from those "shitty" Korean variety shows.

If only any Malaysians thought of coming up with great variety/reality shows, that would be great. I don't watch stupid shows like 'Betul ke Bohong?', 'Lawak Ke Der?', 'Maharaja Lawak', and etc. I don't even watch Malay drama hahaha because Malaysia itself is full of drama. Okay end I will never talk about politic.

Just wanted to update my blog with nothing but full of crap that doesn't even describe about my day. #okay

Habit is a behavioural action that is repeated regularly and tend to occur subconsciously.  Old habits are hard to break and new habits are hard to form because the behavioural patterns we repeat are imprinted in our neural pathways. Habit is hard to get rid of but my question is, does habit has to live with you permanently?

Actually, the answer is no. You can choose to live without certain habits, which is also known as the bad habits. Habit is something that can be changed, even if it takes time. If you made a mistake, you can't simply say, "It's my habit; deal with it." That is rude, and when you're rude to other people, she or he will automatically mark you as a rude kid. In a different context, it just means that you're a lazy ass hole feeling you're living your life to the fullest.

I used to be one of the spoilt brat. I used to be rude, I used to talk with cussing words in between because I felt it was cool to do so. I was wrong, I know, and I realized how childish I was back in those days. Though some of those uncool behaviour became my bad habits now, I tried to tone them down. Not all people can handle cuss words. Not all people can handle people talking rudely even if they know that it's his (or her) bad habit.

It was hard, I admit. To try not to cuss is really hard. To try not to talk in foul language is actually a torture for this spoilt brat. You see, I am comfortable enough to be viewed as one of the 'bro' instead of 'sis' and with this dirty mouth of mine, the boys easily view me as one of the 'bro' as well. I used to say "Don't act like you're that good," when the boys asked me to stop cussing.

Now, I feel so embarrassed that I can die just by reminiscing how stupid I was back in those days.

I spontaneously chose this topic because of someone was rejecting me quite harshly when that individual can actually try to reject me with good words so no hard feelings going on and no misunderstanding occurs, right? ;) I was trying to be nice but yeah, this girl right here is not your ordinary type of girl. I am not the typical girl you see, not the typical girl you expect I will be.

Don't try to defend yourself and say that it is your habit to talk harshly. You can change but you chose to live with that habit. Don't give that excuse to my face, as I will never entertain that as a legit excuse to escape from your mistake.

Anyhow, guys, we should try to tone down our bad habits. Not only for girls, but boys as well. I know it's hard but let's try to be a better person from day to day :) Ending this entry with

HANDSOME LOGAN LERMAN SMIRKING TO I DON'T KNOW WHO! *SIGHING

Hello.

Let's say that you're a woman, married to a man and blessed with beautiful children. You lived happily with your family, with not a single thought of yours worrying about being cheated.

Let's say that one day, you caught your husband cheated on you, with his co-worker. Let's say that you and him weren't in a good terms for a really long time. Let's say that it affected the whole family. Let's say that after all the bad things happened, you decided to move on and live happily with him and your children, like you used to, before.

Days turn to weeks; you fought with him sometimes, but the amount is much lesser than your fights previously. Even if you don't trust him, you can stay happily with him, in the same room. No raising voices, no curses, no thoughts of separation.

But this one day, he bought a new smartphone. His previous one was badly damaged; so he used a regular handphone with no Whatsapp, no BBM, nothing. But as soon as he gets his new smartphone, he requires a passcode to unlock his phone.

You're a girl, you were torn before, you remembered the day you caught him red-handed. You tried so hard not to think negatively, or jump to conclusions easily. But you lost your trust on him. You're curious, you're dying want to know what's inside his phone.

He warned you beforehand, not to interfere with his private life. He drives you crazy. The first time in your life as his wife, you feel like you deserve to know his passcode but you never care about what he did with his phone before.

Trust is what we need in an relationship.

Once you lose it, you'll have a hard time in believing your partner.

One thing I want to ask; is it really necessary for the husband to lock his phone? I mean like, is he keeping something from her or does he lock his phone for security purposes? What if he meant it to be for security purposes but why he warned his wife to not try unlocking his phone and such? You want her trust yet you did this? And then you blame women for being over-sensitive and worrying about the smallest things?

I demand an answer.