Hello. Long time no see. I'm back with another concern because I'm a noob in love.

So, I have this guy friend, whom I treat like my own older brother (he's 1 year older than me). We had the funniest twist to our lives - happened that he's actually a student of my school but moved out to another school on the year I enrolled. We knew each other from... Facebook...? And I happened to how his friends too. All in all, we're close to each other - we used to text all day but after he left for university, we both got busy and rarely kept in touch. But, we do fight to be the first one to wish each other's birthday up until this date. He called me sis, I called him bro. 

Lately, he's been throwing the "I love you" whenever we held conversations. And he'll be sulking if I didn't reply to his "confessions". Look, I do not know if it's normal because he never threw the words to me throughout the 6 years of knowing each other. Yes, it's been 6 years. And he began to say the words lately, and as a confused early adult who believes she had failed in all of her relationships, began to think it's a subtle hint from him. I chose not to care, but I begun to think about it even more. (side note: Why the heck he started to say those words?!) And sad to say, I kind of like it. I liked the feeling of being loved. Who doesn't? Love makes you a better man. Wrong love makes you worse than before. You see, we don't really contact each other after being in university. Both of us were getting busy, our schedules were hectic, there's no time to text all day like we used to.

Starting last day of puasa, which was 2 days ago, we started to be like we used to be. We chatted, texted, and I, unknowingly smiled to see his name lighted up on my phone. "Just brothers," I thought. Oh, I'm more comfortable to be a bro than a sis to my guy friends so it's too common to my ears to hear them calling me "My bro" so... Yeah. Yesterday, though it was 1st day of raya, we texted all day long. From morning till 2am in the morning. Only gap was us, falling asleep coincidentally on the same time. What kind of madness is this, though? This is definitely not love... I guess so? I don't think he sees me as a girl. He's way too comfortable with me to talk about every single thing, like every thing. One thing I learnt from movies, dramas, novels, and past relationships is, no guy wants to be with the girl who knows everything about him. So I'm totally out from the list...?

I don't know. I don't know anything. I have no courage to ask him - I treasure our friendship; or as what he calls it - virtual relationship. I love him, I do. I loved him since 2009, but as a sister. Nothing more nothing less. But this love is getting to another level. I need to throw all this mothafcking feelings away. I'm not comfortable, I'm sure he's not comfortable as well if he ever reads/knows about this. I hope he stops saying 'I love you' to me - it gave me hope, but at the same time I want him to keep on saying that - I love being loved by others. The heck is wrong with me? I thought my last relationship has proved to me that I'm not ready to fall in love... I thought I'm going to live by fangirling over Korean men for another few years... Was the "confessions" he said a subtle hint? Or was he saying he loves me as a brother? I am confused. Heck. Being a girl is tiring :(