These days I have fear of doing anything I want because I am always reminded of death. When I did something nice, I would be thinking "Is this the last time I will live in this world?" or when I said "I'm leaving but I haven't pack my bags yet," these words gave me chills, as if I'm signalling to people that I am leaving this world.

I've had a number of sleepless nights, because I was afraid if I will die in my sleep. This fear had been overpowering my thoughts lately, and I decided to talk to few close friends. Am I normal? Will I continue to live? Will the negative thoughts stop by itself? I ranted for pages to my friends, I whined, I cried. But this one sentence hit me right in the guts. "Only Allah knows when you'll leave, it's all according to His plan. Accept this a reminder from Allah The Almighty that you've drifted away, and He wants you to go back to him."

My response? I cried even harder. I did, I enjoyed life too much I drifted away. It's like double hit in the guts. I began to look back at my life. I've sinned. Yet Allah lets me to breathe from day to day, experiencing everything, yet I forgot to thank Him for this opportunity. I began to get close to him, I am trying to repent. I've sinned a lot for the past 22 years of living, I should now think of my afterlife. I stopped getting fear of death - a friend said it's mostly Satan's way of getting people astray from Allah, our Creator, the Almighty.

Death is something that will come sooner or later, whether you like it or not. The only question is, do you have what it takes to feel eternal happiness in afterlife?

I don't.

And I regret for getting too immersed with my life.

x.