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Pastel Fantasies

Hello.

Let's say that you're a woman, married to a man and blessed with beautiful children. You lived happily with your family, with not a single thought of yours worrying about being cheated.

Let's say that one day, you caught your husband cheated on you, with his co-worker. Let's say that you and him weren't in a good terms for a really long time. Let's say that it affected the whole family. Let's say that after all the bad things happened, you decided to move on and live happily with him and your children, like you used to, before.

Days turn to weeks; you fought with him sometimes, but the amount is much lesser than your fights previously. Even if you don't trust him, you can stay happily with him, in the same room. No raising voices, no curses, no thoughts of separation.

But this one day, he bought a new smartphone. His previous one was badly damaged; so he used a regular handphone with no Whatsapp, no BBM, nothing. But as soon as he gets his new smartphone, he requires a passcode to unlock his phone.

You're a girl, you were torn before, you remembered the day you caught him red-handed. You tried so hard not to think negatively, or jump to conclusions easily. But you lost your trust on him. You're curious, you're dying want to know what's inside his phone.

He warned you beforehand, not to interfere with his private life. He drives you crazy. The first time in your life as his wife, you feel like you deserve to know his passcode but you never care about what he did with his phone before.

Trust is what we need in an relationship.
Once you lose it, you'll have a hard time in believing your partner.

One thing I want to ask; is it really necessary for the husband to lock his phone? I mean like, is he keeping something from her or does he lock his phone for security purposes? What if he meant it to be for security purposes but why he warned his wife to not try unlocking his phone and such? You want her trust yet you did this? And then you blame women for being over-sensitive and worrying about the smallest things?

I demand an answer.
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...because I know we no longer share the mutual feelings.

Or maybe, it's just because of you having difficulty in handling your emotion. Your thoughts. You're actually still an immature boy. You shouldn't embrace the world called love, yet. You should wait. You still have so much things to be learnt about love, kiddo. You're nowhere there; you barely know the true definition of love, the meaning of having your partner to share everything with.

It's just a string of thoughts that I actually would love to tell you; I do, but you see, things are pretty much complicated nowadays. You don't believe me. She hates me. I tried to convince you, but you deceived me. Nice move, young man, nice move for an immature kid like you. A gentleman will listen to his friends. You didn't so basically, you're not one. Deep in my heart, I do feel a bit regret that I met you in any terms. Even though it takes so much time for me to finally realized that you're not the one, but thank you, for letting me know that the only child in family is yet having a hard time to mature perfectly.


These few days, I had a considerable long conversation with the one that I used to have a crush on. He was... not a fun guy. A gamer could be fun, but if 90% of the content is about Dota, I can say that he has no life as a normal boy. Gaming is more to your interest, in my opinion, thank you. Even if I like Kpop, even if I listen to Kpop each day, even if I watch Korean shows daily, I did not talk about anything Korean to him. Not even once.

I guess sometimes, your crush looks the best before you know him then :B I lost my interest to him immediately after I had conversation with him. Gaming is indeed fun but you should know that not all people loves to hear your story about games, just the same case as not all people loves Kpop. If I can respect that (by not talking about Kpop with people who hates it), why can't you?

On the other hand, I'm happy with him. Forever and always, love ;)

When I'm not there… do you think of me? When you’re sad and something's bothering you… do you wish I were there to help comfort you? When you've had a long, hard day… do you smile knowing that soon you’ll be seeing me, and everything will seem better, even if it’s just for a moment? When you lay down at night… do you look back and cherish the new memories you've made with me? And when you get up in the morning, does everything inside of you smile, knowing that this will be another day that we’ll be together? because that’s how I think of you, my dear.
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Hello, how are you?

So last 2 nights, I went out with my best friend. It's just a ride of wasting gasoline since we went from Arau to Kuala Perlis to Jitra to Arau back without a single stop. It was fun, it was hilarious, and because of that, I miss my best friend. Please, visit me in Arau again, okay? :')

And last night, COSMIT held their SGM for 2012/2013 session. We talked about activities we'll hold for this semester, talked about how the amount of people failed MAT233 (Calculus II) increased and so on. Well, basically, we will have a dinner this semester (yay!) and the theme will be Red de Luna! Which, if it's translated to English, means Red Moon (damn, this is what I suggested but they still want to go with de Luna). For the costume(?), it's more to vampire-ish style OMG TELL ME WHAT? It's my favourite genre, of course! I have lots of ideas for it omg yessssssss!

Finally, COSMIT's dinner with something that I can think of what to wear what to buy what to be, specifically. I might be browsing tumblr to find new ideas but what I have in my mind is still, nice. Hehehehe.
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If you really love her, then prove it to me that you can love her more than I love her.

...I'm waiting for your surprises, my beloved friend.
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We used to share everything together.
Your problems. Stupid jokes. Absurd lies.
My concerns. Silly worries. Cranky stories.

Laughed together. Shed tears together. Scolded each other. Argued each second. Swore each other. Fought every day.

Once, I gave you a rang on 3 am.

M: "I need you now. Banyak sangat problem, kepala I rasa nak pecah!"
N: "Babe, what's wrong? Tell me everything. Don't leave out any single bit of information."
M: *tells you everything while sobbing and cursing, leaving out the fact that you need to sleep*
M: "Eh you dah berdengkur ni, you dah tidur ke tadi?"
N: "Hmm tapi sbb you yang call, so takpelah."
M: "Sorry kacau you tidur! Go to sleep, please. It's okay, I'll be fine."
N: "You kalau sedih, berapa lama entah baru nak okay. Let me sing you a lullaby, biar senang you nak tidur."

You sang, but you're the one who fell asleep.

We, who were once best friends, but acted more like one. But now, you left me.

For a girl, for the one who claimed to love you more than me.

I was hurt. I am 100% sure, I know you more than she does. I was by your side for 24 hours a day. I can even recognize you from the smell of your fart. That's how close you and I.

Love kills everything.


Our friendship, dies each day.



Our memories, faded each second.

Do you still remember me?
Do you remember my name?

If I could beg, I'd beg you to come back.
If I could beg, I'd beg you to cherish our memories.
If I could beg, I'd beg you to always remember me;
A girl that helps you go through ups and downs.
A girl that used to make you laugh when you're upset.
A girl that used to be by your side each second.

I thought I forgot you but I guess I didn’t, I thought I erased you but I suddenly remember you, I thought I forget you but you make me struggle, I thought I erased you but I think of you again 
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About Me


Kimmy. 1993. Travel & Language.
I am tying to write in various perspectives instead of spilling the inner emo self. I have the tendency to end a post negatively, please take note.

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