Hey guys I am currently at my home sweet home right now before going back to the second home tonight. You know, I am back for no reasons, particularly. Just wanted to chill at my own room on this super comfy bed. And of course, to be in this air-conditioned-room is a bless when you're studying in Perlis.

And hey, guess whose birthday is coming in exactly 7 days? Uh huh yeap definitely not yours haha. I am going to be 20 years old, guys. Another year without birthday celebration from anyone. Boohoo. To be very honest, I really hate to acknowledge that my birthday is around the corner. I hate that. Why? You really want to know why?

Well, hm. To be real honest to you guys, I don't even remember the last time my family celebrate my birthday. To some people, celebrating their birthday is not a big deal but for me that lives in a community that ALWAYS get celebrated with loads of fun, is somehow an important thing for me. I am honestly jealous with those lucky homosapien being celebrated with a cake and presents by their close friends and a party thrown by their family members...

Or maybe the fact that I was born in July (read: summer, mid-year, busy moment) made everyone does not even bother to simply wish me to have a happy birthday. Those wishes on Facebook will not be counted though hahaha. I don't even have any birthday presents to boast at. I rarely get presents and that is why.

In 2007, I celebrated my birthday with another friend who coincidentally has the same birthdate as I am. 07/07/07 - the date was nice and the celebration was indeed memorable. And that was the first and the last time I ever celebrated my birthday with other people...

Yeah okay cut the crap. This made me think that I am an actual jerk that no one wants to befriend of. I don't expect any birthday gifts or celebrations. Nothing. Never. Forever. Let's die young ((what the hell))

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20th birthday wishlist:

Fin.

Less than 5 days to reach the end of this semester. If I score this semester's finals and get good result, I will only have 1 semester left for diploma. Which means, soon, I will be parting ways with my diploma friends. I might, and might not see them again. I might and might not be in their minds all the time, but after experiencing lots of hardships in finding true friends, I began to treasure some of my diploma's course mates.

Some, not all.

Semester 1 - Seeing new faces for the first time ever. Heard that some of my primary school friends were in the same campus, but only 1 of them is in the same course as mine, which is Amnan. I wasn't close to him since before, so I rarely talk to him. This first semester of diploma; fresh and new chapter of my life begun. I made some friends during orientation week but those friends won't last long. Proven now, though, none of them thought of contacting me first. For the first semester, I was close to Farhana, well basically, with the girls (and boys) in my group. Zharfan, Luqmanul and Zhafri, not to mention the rest, were the closest one to me. Before.

Semester 2 - Kicked out from the resident list so I lived my life as a non-resident instead, and I became closer to Amalina since we lived in the same area. We were the total opposite of each other but like magnet that attracts other magnet with opposite magnetic field; we attract each other because of the difference in our characteristics. Hah, I was close to Nabihah too, since we're like the non-resident team-thingy hahaha. Old times. I became quite distant with others since they're in resident colleges while I... I was alone in the house with literally no housemates since they went out a lot.

Semester 3 - Where everything falls apart. This happened and that happened, suddenly I hate Nabihah while Amalina and I became strangers again, nearing the end of the semester. This was the worst semester, for the record. Bad things happened - I lost my motivation, I lost hope, I lost trust on people, but I gained a car to ease me travelling in Perlis (and Kedah and Penang...) I knew cool guys from other groups and began to hang out with them quite often too. I am not that close to them, but to just be friends with them, I feel so happy :)

Semester 4 - The level of awkwardness between groupmates increased and the distantce between us became larger as well. I moved to a new house and lived together with Aida. New adventure, again. We became the new inseparable twins(?) since most of the times, I'll be seen together with Aida and vice versa. We share so many things in common and it's freaky oh my god! Haha. This semester is a bit plain. All I feel is the gap between other friends and I became deeper and larger. At times, I feel like I'm better off a loner. Without partner.

Ah... Time passes by, cruelly nearing catching up with the time for us to part ways. Yes, I can't wait to graduate and to be away from Perlis because of all the terrible things happened but I couldn't just forget all good friends I met here, right? I just hope that I will always be in their minds, as how often they are in my mind.

Farhana, the cheeky, petite Malay, blessed with Chinese-look.

Aida, the one with brain that I'm jealous of.

Zuhairah, the one who looks the happiest while eating.

Luqmanul, the... the... the bro that loves to belanja people.

Azri, the one perasan artis but full of humorous jokes.

Amnan, the childhood friend who became nice to me :P

Fauzan, the budak I thought sombong but he's humorous and nice.

Syauqi, the one whom I put my full trust in driving my car.

Izwan, the only guy I respected among all - he has good sides despite looking so rempit-ish.

Okay malas nak sebut nama sorang sorang because honestly, I'm not that close to all people pun. It happens that some of the names are listed as they love to borrow my car so they act so baik to me but they are kind so I like them for their kindness hahaha but I will always remember your kindness, the way you treat me. Yay what's with this crappy entry, it's supposed to be emotional and sad and tear-worthy *cries* Tapi aku sayang korang tau, muehehe segan nk cakap okay bye

Gonna hop to convenience store to chill. Kinda. Bye :D

I actually love to talk. At times, I recorded videos of myself talking nonsense and linked them to my friends hahaha which is, a stupid habit, actually. But because of this hobby, I thought of making vlog. Travel vlog, to be exact. As I'm currently studying in Arau, Perlis, I've went to many interesting places and when I wanted to tell about them to my friends, I know they won't have the same image like what I wanted them to imagine to. They couldn't see what I see, they couldn't feel what I feel. So I thought that doing travel vlog is actually a good thing.

Thing is, I have no suitable gadgets for it. I am still collecting money to own a DSLR, as videos recorded by DSLR has a higher quality...? The current camcorder at home can only recorded in low quality. It's not HD. Thus, less feel for the video hahaha do you get what I mean? Like during my trip to Bukit Ayer with classmates before, one of them recorded random videos of us having fun using a DSLR and it comes out really pretty! The super high quality makes it really breathtaking! Wait what, I feel like my English became worst ohmygod

Nahh I won't be like matluthfi since I don't have the skill to be a good vlogger. My communication skills sucks big time, and travel vlog is the best choice for me because I will be recording the sceneries and the details of the places more than I will record myself hahaha agree? And oh, besides travel vlog, I'd upload videos of my hedgehog as well! I already created a Youtube account for it, oops, sorry for being impatient haha.

Okay so let's end the talks of wanting to be a vlogger.

I am actually worried for so many things. Like, I tried my best for this examination but somehow I feel like I will fail certain subjects? I have the confidence that I can actually score but for the previously mentioned 2 subjects, I have the least confidence in them. What if I had to extend 1 semester just to sit for a single paper? What if my parents had enough with me, and eventually will never care about me, the one who always frustrates them in any way?

...

I just got a really shocking news that made me stopped writing my entry for I don't know how many minutes. Anyway, my sister, Shiema, got a really awesome news that she is accepted to be a student in the course she applied for so go and wish her the best!!!! And this marks the end of my entry. I need to study for tomorrow's paper.

Not gonna write a long essay in this post, will be posting mostly pictures (again). I'm reconsidering certain universities in Korea for my degree, insyaAllah, so this will be the list of universities with the courses or major that I'm interested in. I'll be narrowing the list down after I do the pros and cons of going to each university. 

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Hongik University - 

Hello.

Let's say that you're a woman, married to a man and blessed with beautiful children. You lived happily with your family, with not a single thought of yours worrying about being cheated.

Let's say that one day, you caught your husband cheated on you, with his co-worker. Let's say that you and him weren't in a good terms for a really long time. Let's say that it affected the whole family. Let's say that after all the bad things happened, you decided to move on and live happily with him and your children, like you used to, before.

Days turn to weeks; you fought with him sometimes, but the amount is much lesser than your fights previously. Even if you don't trust him, you can stay happily with him, in the same room. No raising voices, no curses, no thoughts of separation.

But this one day, he bought a new smartphone. His previous one was badly damaged; so he used a regular handphone with no Whatsapp, no BBM, nothing. But as soon as he gets his new smartphone, he requires a passcode to unlock his phone.

You're a girl, you were torn before, you remembered the day you caught him red-handed. You tried so hard not to think negatively, or jump to conclusions easily. But you lost your trust on him. You're curious, you're dying want to know what's inside his phone.

He warned you beforehand, not to interfere with his private life. He drives you crazy. The first time in your life as his wife, you feel like you deserve to know his passcode but you never care about what he did with his phone before.

Trust is what we need in an relationship.

Once you lose it, you'll have a hard time in believing your partner.

One thing I want to ask; is it really necessary for the husband to lock his phone? I mean like, is he keeping something from her or does he lock his phone for security purposes? What if he meant it to be for security purposes but why he warned his wife to not try unlocking his phone and such? You want her trust yet you did this? And then you blame women for being over-sensitive and worrying about the smallest things?

I demand an answer.