Assalamualaikum,

Considering that I'm a short-tempered person, I feel like I've done a great job in tolerating egoistic people. I've done more than what I thought I could in order to hold people I love and I care from leaving me. But if this goes on forever, I'm sure I'll get tired of holding on. I'll get tired of letting my heart crushed over and over again. Why bother to show appreciation to people who don't really appreciate you?

I'll try my best to win everyone's heart. To please you, to prioritize you. To put myself at the back of the line. It's okay for me to be hurt by you and other people, all I want to see is for you to smile and laugh. To be at ease, to not be troubled by problems. Your happiness is my happiness as well. Letting go... is one of the hardest things to do. I'll try to hold on as long as you put as much effort as I did. I don't know how hurt you were because of me, but to be honest, I am extremely hurt by you now.

You made mistakes but I let them slip. Why? I know people make mistakes. I know you might do the same mistakes over and over but as long as it's bearable, I'll let them slip. I see them as forgiveable, so why should I get so worked up over them, right? But then, different people have different views. Whatever I do, always bring major heartache to people. Am I stupid or am I stupid, I don't even know. All I can say is, I am slowly changing for the best. It takes time. You can't expect me to be a queen in few seconds.

Bear it with me. I make mistakes, I hurt people's feelings, even if I don't mean to. I'm changing, so please, help and guide me to stay on path. Scold me if I deserve to be scolded, not to desert me and ignore me all the time. I can't read people's mind. Don't expect me to exactly know what you're thinking. Talk to me, spill everything what you think I should know. That's how I can learn your view on me, and that's how you contribute to have me change for the best. Get it?

Not gonna blame anyone. For now, and from what other people insist to believe, I'm all to blame. My fault for being too kind, my fault for ignoring those people who're mocking me, my fault for letting my heart being crushed by people. Just so you know, I'm tired of winning. I'm tired of debating that I'm right and proving that you're wrong. I've reached my limit and soon, I'll be tired of everything. Please be the person that will prove to me that I'm wrong, that people still care about me. Still love me.

P/S: Closing my heart from everyone. No more free entry, no more heart crushing, no more good girl Hakimah. Be heartless, because typical human loves heartless people. Weird.

Only get to know you guys for 2 months or so but you guys accepted me as if I've been there since day 1. Really miss to spend my time with you guys. Remember the night when the whole class went to Marrybrown and ate dinner together? Though it rained that night, we made it there. Had fun, had a good amount of laugh and all.

Oh, men conquered the class as there were only 5 of girls. And wow I am fat I so fat I iz a whale walao. Time to burn all those fat and hit 50kg! 20kg to lose go go go I can do this shit :>

Kbai

Assalamualaikum.

Finally, I'm back to the blogging world. Yayyyyy! I totally have no idea on what to blog lately. There are times where I came across some beautiful topics to touch on but then I wasn't on and I absolutely hate to jot down my points first before writing and poof, they're gone with the wind.

What a waste.

Only 2 weeks of holidays left before I'll leave for Perlis, again. Hopefully for the very last semester before I get to continue with my degree. Heard some areas in UiTM Perlis have been 'upgraded' (read it as sarcastic as you can) like there are 4 hills at gate B's entrance. Yeah. The cute and small bumps have been extremely upgraded to be hills. They are high and well, bad for cute cars like mine. Degree students were complaining about this upgrade and they hate it so I guess I'm hating it too hahahaha.

Plan to work during holiday was... unfortunately failed as the boss of the bookstore went indecisive whether it's best to hire me now or later. Overheard her conversation with the staff that she thought it'd be better if I can work for a longer period of time. 1 month is too short for everything. Yeah I wanted to work as long as I can too. I need a whole lot of money by 25 November. I made plans, and I want them to happen. I love making people happy, or at least, I think they'll be happy if I made a plan AND included them in it. And my plan involves travelling from a state to another. Travelling from a country to another country is on the next chapter btw. 

Wee, travelling. I just love travelling. Solo or group, doesn't matter. As long as I'm outside of my comfort zone. I can learn the culture, the language, the people, the structure, the weather, the scenery, and etc. If only I am as rich as my cousin who has his own circle of friends to travel overseas together. Flying to different countries twice (sometimes thrice) a year. So lucky to be sponsored by JPA hm hmm. At least there'll be less thing to worry about. All you need is to work your ass off and get the highest possible value of CGPA you can achieve and bamm, if you're lucky, the scholarship will be reverted to loan.

So damn lucky.

I thought of uploading certain pictures but I've been hesitating whether it's the best choice since, after meeting this wise man I've been questioning my choices for months. But yeah there are times where I don't use this brain of mine and screwed myself and get a nice lecture from him. Anyhow, I owe you a lot. As I said before, you taught me a new definition of life. Thank you so much. So after 10 minutes of typing and stomach's grumbling, I decided to upload this

Urgh uber yummy picture of cheap sushi from Tesco aahhhhhhh tummy stop! Behave yourselffff

Long time no see. I've been abandoning this blog a bit too long and truth be told, yes, I kind of miss to write lengthy posts daily like I used to do. As I grew older, I found that I'm slowly losing my passion in writing. And that, my dear, is not a good thing. I shall brush up my skills during holidays later.

Anyway, hello, let's briefly talk about my life after disappearing for a month plus. Basically, I've been really happy to live my real life. I've been brighter, I loved myself more than before, I spent my days with loved ones more frequent, I gained new knowledge each day, and... yeah. That's the basic output of someone who is in love. Common. 

How I wish I can talk about him here. How I wish I can tell the story from A to Z. But um, for the record, we are still... Just friends. With some sort of extra special connection and no I'm not going to tell you what is the connection. I shall keep that to only myself and when the time comes, it's a pleasure for me to tell the whole world about it. Kita hanya mampu merancang dan Allah yang menentukan.

Kind of the latest picture of mine. Was taken last Thursday. Never really like to doll up myself but I don't know what got into me that day hahaha. And I went against my rules for this blog. I thought I would never post my pictures here but hm maybe I will, but not that frequent. Friends said I look a tad thinner here. Camera trick, fellas. Waiting for my personal health trainer to guide me :)

Numbers. Upper picture represents the number of calls we shared together. Adds up to 178 calls in 2 months plus. Not bad, captain. Not bad. While the lower picture represents the number of text messages we've exchanged. It should be more than that though because I accidentally deleted the few earlier texts. Precious texts that were deleted because I was careless.  *cries in the corner*

More details will be told later and only him can know the whole story hahahah kbye

Okay here's what's up. I have to create a fully functional website (html and php stuffs) and it was awesomely awful. It sucks. What is group assignment when it was done by less than half out of the number of members in the group. That was the screenshot of the main page of the site and honestly, I can't fully credit myself for it. I stole someone's code. Because, we had to. Emergency happened and we're at lost so yeah. But anyway I edited most of them so they shouldn't look the exact same as the original.

It's not like I'm complaining that I have to code. No, I have no problems with that. I love to code. It's fun and everything but here's come the minus point. Why and how can I code the whole section (there are 2 sections, actually) alone by myself without any help from you guys oh yes I do need to complain because this is about my life about my health about my brain power and um no I hate to do other people's job. Please contribute and please offer your help. I don't want to be bossy and say "You, do this and you do that while you need to plan for this."

And then came another shitty major assignment that has nothing to do with my course. I wonder why UiTM is being so stupid and let us to study on few subjects that has no relation to our courses like seriously, UiTM, you suck to the max. You want to help the Malays so it's good but um please, re-revise your policy or whatever since I feel so jealous towards friends who're studying in IPTS and they learned advanced programming stuffs from us? We learnt the most basic ones which, well, from their point of view, is such a waste of time.

To enroll in UiTM for degree is the last option in my list. Serious talk.

--

My head suddenly hurts so much I had to lie down and close my eyes to chase the pain away. This isn't good. I've been getting constant headache for days now and I don't think I'll recover soon enough? I sleep too little per day. 2~3 hours of sleep per day is unhealthy for a teen like me. Wait, do I still counted as a teen or am I already in the adult phase? I don't know. Never bother to know about it. Well okay I acknowledged that I am an adult. Hm. I can't think, I should stop. Bye.

P/S: I still like the guy and things are going pretty much well :)

I like this guy so much and it is insane. This love is so pure. So innocent. So childish.
I feel like a 14-year-old experiencing her first puppy love.
I feel like a 14-year-old innocently admiring some famous dudes in her school.
I feel... young. #omg this is b*llshit

Fact #1

Instead of saying "okay, dear" he said "okay, rusa" to me.

Being shy while trying giving me a faint hint, eh?

T/N: Rusa is deer in English. Deer holds the same pronunciation as dear.

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Fact #2

Stays up all night because he knew that someone will accompany him.

Hint: sawadee "you"

You as in yours truly who's typing this.

<------------------------------------------------------------------>

Fact #3

Me: Aww this emoticon is so cute, I want to pinch its cheek!

Him: Ouch, my cheek hurts. It's like someone pinched me

Me: So you think you're cute ah?

Him: I don't know. Your answer?

...yes.

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#tobeupdatedsoon

Hey, it's officially 10 days after my birthday. It was the 2nd worst birthday I had in my life. Nothing can beat last year's birthday. It was the worst out of everything. Skip that because I wanted to update with what's happening with my life from the day I turned 20 till today.

7th of July, Sunday

It's my big day, yayyy but I spent most of the time being in the library with my friends, pretending to study since I've finished all my works beforehand. I was really hungry that day because the previous day, I only ate burger bakar. The rest ordered delicious chicken rice but I only ordered iced tea. Spent some good time laughing with friends about stupid stuffs while accompanying them finishing their lunch. Then, we went back to the library. I was watching Happy Camp and laughed alone in the discussion room haha. Around 3pm, I received a text, asking me to go for a sweet escape. Well, it is indeed a sweet escape since we both went to Secret Recipe.

"My treat," he said, since it's my birthday. I ordered a slice of New York cheesecake while he ordered this grilled chicken I forgot the dish's full name haha but it's delicious :( I was a tad shy to order expensive stuffs because it's his money. Not mine. But it was fun, to have someone trying to cheer me up on that gloomy day. That was the only fun moment for the day because I spent the rest of the day being alone at home without foods. It was depressing. It should be my best day but why it turned the other way round?

8th of July, Monday

Class as usual. I ate the foods they brought back from baby Hafiz's birthday party for lunch. It was delicious or maybe because I was too hungry, I ate 2 plates of rice haha. Things went okay... but not during ITS first test ever. It was at night and I felt something wrong with my body. My stomach hurts so much and due to my experience, I knew it'll be bad. After answering the test with empty-headed (means no ilmu lol) we went back home and... yep. I knew it. Food poisoning.

Wasn't a good start for the week, huh? Okay so basically I was in pain because of food poisoning until Friday, which made me to decide to go back home on that day.

12th of July, Friday

My bus was on 10am and since I stayed up all night in the toilet, I was totally knocked out. I slept like it's none of their business. I do not care if I snore or anything. What's important is I have enough sleep before I reach home. I reached Section 17 around 6.30pm, but because my dad was stuck in traffic jam, I reached home after azan maghrib. But still managed to iftar together with family. What makes it special is, my brother in Segamat went back home too. It's beautiful because one whole family were there for iftar and sahur. :')

I did nothing much at home though so skip all schedules at home.

15th of July, Monday

My bus was supposed to depart on 10pm but because of certain circumstances, it was delayed to 11pm not to mention its '30-min break' which literally means "It's 2.30am so we'll have a break for 30 minutes which is until 3.45am" yes the driver can do math really well. Yes.... Anyhow since it was delayed, I asked for McD from my parents and they brought me double cheeseburger aherherher #happygirl93

16th of July, Tuesday

Because of too many stops, I arrived Kangar at 7:35am. Took a taxi home and because the driver didn't know where is Taman Seri Intan situated at and maybe he took advantage for it by going into the wrong direction though I guided him, I was charged RM25.................. Seriously, taxi drivers, NAK DUIT KAU CARI DUIT SECARA HALAL LAH TAK PAYAH NAK TIPU CUSTOMER SAMPAI TAHAP NI AKU NI STUDENT KAU NAK MAKAN DUIT AKU BANYAK SANGAT KENAPA? KAU INGAT AKU NI KAYA? AKU NI BERHUTANG DENGAN ORANG TAH BERAPA BANYAK. BANGANG PUNYA TAXI DRIVERS

Because I stayed awake since 4am in the bus worrying about someone, I felt asleep while trying to get ready for the next class pfft brilliant Kimmy is brilliant I should just die

---

Anyhow, I am confused. I think I like someone. I think I fell for him. But I'm trying to fall out of love. I don't want to be in love. I don't want to be fooled. I am afraid that he's nice to me because he only sees me as a best friend while I see it the other way round. I really want to distance myself from him but I can't. We talk to each other every day. Night and day. It's like I wake up and feel excited because I know I will be receiving a text from him.

You know how I rarely talk to people in a day??? I think I only talk to him for the past week or two-three weeks I don't know but yes. Please. Pull me out from this mess. I know he sees me as a friend. This is just one-sided love. I know. I believed so. I don't think anyone will ever fall for me. Well, not now since guys look for appearance and I am fat which means I am unattractive so please.

Baru putus cinta suddenly jumpa new love I know this is absurd but

my parents love him so how?

July 2nd - I decided to skip 2 classes to prepare myself for MUET speaking test and by preparing, I mean, to get enough sleep like a princess. It was written on the slip that my test will be at 11 A.M but oh, I only knew that all tests will start at least 30 minutes after the stated time on the slip after I arrived at the venue. That's the effect of not going to any MUET workshops. I decided to take my MUET at a school which is situated near to my rent house.

I was the second candidate of the first group for my session. Well, supposedly the third candidate but the first candidate couldn't make it on time so we started from the second people in the name list. It was nerve-wrecking when I knew I will be in the first group, but while waiting for it to start, I managed to calm myself and gained extra confidence by simply... Emm, I do not know if I should say this but somehow this technique worked well for me? I decided to look down on other candidates - to make myself looked better - and I felt somewhat confident to delusionally think that I am the best out of them.

We got a quite boring topic; "Most meaningful donation" haha but thankfully I get the easiest point to elaborate, I guess? There are 4 points - organ donation, cash donation, free foods for the poor and equipment for the disabled. Mine was the second point - cash donation - the poison of today's world. I am firm on my opinions and point and managed to conclude that my point is the most meaningful donation out of all, haha. Okay actually it was horrible. I spoke like a somewhat-innocent-yet-scared person being interrogated by policemen.

My test ended on 12 P.M and to reward myself after "working hard" (yeah, really, when I woke up at 10 A.M then rushed for the test) I bought KFC for myself! I long for McDonalds but I will never go to Alor Setar by my own to get it so I have to find other alternatives. I stayed at home, being a lazy fat girl who only knows to be in front of her laptop either to watch a drama or a show. By 2.20 P.M, I received a text saying that I am a possible candidate for gugur taraf and I was like "What the--- I did not pay the UiTM fee yet!" so I rushed to UiTM wearing the ugliest thing I have in this cupboard. I do not care about how I look outside, especially on those moments when I feel lazy to be all pretty and dandy.

After paying the fee, I decided to go for a karaoke session. I know, crazy unplanned plan. I went to the karaoke place alone and had a 1-hour session of karaoke. I, of course, sang mainly Korean songs. I always feel less active if I went to karaoke alone, so I decided to sing slow songs like INFINITE's Paradise. Maybe the guys next door realized I only sing Korean songs, they decided to sing PSY's Gentleman, so I decided to fire them back by singing Faizal Tahir's Sampai Syurga. Hahaha.

Oh, it was actually about to start to rain when I arrived at the karaoke place and so in the middle of singing, it started to rain. I thought the rain would not be for long or too heavy since this is Arau. It usually rains for like, 5 minutes then stopped for weeks. But oh wow, to my surprise, it was the heaviest downpour I had to go through while driving. Seriously. I love to drive in rain but for the first time ever, I found it annoying to drive in heavy rain like that. I barely could see anything! But, despite the heavy downpour, I made my way to Kangar to get some cheesecakes. Hehe. I do not think I will get any cakes on my birthday so I decided to buy it ealier for myself, :P

So... that is how my day goes for the second day of the seventh month. The fact that I used a few words I rarely use everywhere is in this post... was this because of MUET? Look at how long this post is (minus the pictures, it is still long) it's like I was inspired by something to write a new blog post. Or was it because it is already July and I feel happy because it is, you know, July? Haha ways to confuse myself. I really should write more and more for this blog. I really feel calm whenever I write while listening to songs. It's like, I feel I am in the song, going for an adventure and write about what I get from the adventure. It is weird too since the things I write and the lyrics of the songs I listen to do not match well. 

By the way, I watched Psychometry just now. It was a really great Korean movie about an ability that can see the past by having a physical contact on an unknown objects. At first, I thought that he could only read human's past, but I was wrong. He could see everything by touching, everything. If he touched a bird, he saw what the bird saw. If he touched an object, he saw what the object witnessed. Yeah I know, how can a non-living object be a witness but with his ability, he could see what it see. Of course, you are not perfect. He has flaws, which, he uses too much energy to see the past and it made he bleeds from his nose and mouth. Horrible, which is why he avoids to touch anything.

So the screencap above is a scene in Psychometry, which a policemen tried to grab a suspect by grabbing his........ you know what. Anyhow, it is a good movie and you will not disappoint with its plot. Sadly though, there is no English subtitles available for it. Luckily I understood few Korean words so watching it raw without subs is okay but, it will be way better to fully understand the movie, no?

Movie recommendation of the day: Psychometry (literal translation) / The Gifted Hands

Song recommendation of the day: ChoColat - Black Tinkerbell

Hey guys I am currently at my home sweet home right now before going back to the second home tonight. You know, I am back for no reasons, particularly. Just wanted to chill at my own room on this super comfy bed. And of course, to be in this air-conditioned-room is a bless when you're studying in Perlis.

And hey, guess whose birthday is coming in exactly 7 days? Uh huh yeap definitely not yours haha. I am going to be 20 years old, guys. Another year without birthday celebration from anyone. Boohoo. To be very honest, I really hate to acknowledge that my birthday is around the corner. I hate that. Why? You really want to know why?

Well, hm. To be real honest to you guys, I don't even remember the last time my family celebrate my birthday. To some people, celebrating their birthday is not a big deal but for me that lives in a community that ALWAYS get celebrated with loads of fun, is somehow an important thing for me. I am honestly jealous with those lucky homosapien being celebrated with a cake and presents by their close friends and a party thrown by their family members...

Or maybe the fact that I was born in July (read: summer, mid-year, busy moment) made everyone does not even bother to simply wish me to have a happy birthday. Those wishes on Facebook will not be counted though hahaha. I don't even have any birthday presents to boast at. I rarely get presents and that is why.

In 2007, I celebrated my birthday with another friend who coincidentally has the same birthdate as I am. 07/07/07 - the date was nice and the celebration was indeed memorable. And that was the first and the last time I ever celebrated my birthday with other people...

Yeah okay cut the crap. This made me think that I am an actual jerk that no one wants to befriend of. I don't expect any birthday gifts or celebrations. Nothing. Never. Forever. Let's die young ((what the hell))

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20th birthday wishlist:

Fin.

Jengka with its disruption of water supply problem plus the increasing temperature for Malaysians... I'm having a big problem in adapting with this problem. I'm literally swimming in my sweat. I smell so bad because of sweating excessively and this big fan in the room can't even solve this problem for me. I NEED TONS OF WATER AND ICE FOR BATHING PURPOSES and I am not joking. Really thought of swimming in a bathtub containing ice cubes. Damn. Or sliding on an ice cube naked. Or to bury myself in snow. 

Addicted to these kids. The main casts and their siblings. Too adorable to be ignored. This show helps a lot to strengthen the bond between a father and his children. One of the kids was really scared of his father, and because of this show, he became so close to his father and began to show his affection to him, same goes to his father. Who says watching Korean variety/reality shows give you nothing but bullshit? Well at least I learn a lot from those "shitty" Korean variety shows.

If only any Malaysians thought of coming up with great variety/reality shows, that would be great. I don't watch stupid shows like 'Betul ke Bohong?', 'Lawak Ke Der?', 'Maharaja Lawak', and etc. I don't even watch Malay drama hahaha because Malaysia itself is full of drama. Okay end I will never talk about politic.

Just wanted to update my blog with nothing but full of crap that doesn't even describe about my day. #okay

What should I write about, eh?

I have no idea. I want to update my blog, I want to post new entries but I have no interesting story to be told. My life is that plain and boring. It's like I experience nothing extra-ordinary for these few days. As you know, Malaysia is currently in a political drama which I don't really care about, so let's skip that part.

Btw, I no longer raise the cutest pet ever, Jjun the hedgehog since dad hates every kind of animals to be in his house and he said "Is it fun to be a slave to a pet?" Sad that I have a really shallow-minded dad. I do not know for how many times I said that, but it is. He is really old-fashioned and has an extremely shallow mind. About being a slave to a pet... It's fun. I don't really mind to act like a slave. Jjun is my baby, every parents take care of their children. Does that make each parent a slave to the children? No. It has one specific name for the action, which is, taking care.

Situation 1:

You want an iPhone 5. It worths about RM2200 and it took about 3 months of working (let's say your salary is RM800/month) to finally have enough money to buy it. Feeling happy and joyful to see the big lump of money in your wallet, you go to a Machines store and buy a white iPhone 5. Finally, it's yours. Because of the price, you took a great care of it. Not a single scratch can be seen on the screen.

Does this called as being slaves to the growing technology?

From my point of view, it is not. You took care of it simply because it means so much to you, and you treasure it as if it's your child. Well of course, this view can simply be wrong if you are too obsessed with the current technology, for example, you have the urge to buy the very latest model released to lead the trend.

Uh, no.

So back to having pets. I don't care to be a slave to it. I am loving the animal, and when an animal is loved/treated well, it will pray for you. Everyone knows this. Each living thing in this world will pray for you if you treat them well. I only get the chance to pet Jjun for 2 weeks or so. That is not fair. He was about to be nice to me. He was about to know me. He was about to accept me. Then dad ruins everything. Fun thing to do, yeap. Yeah.

I promise to myself that I will buy one later. Maybe in new semester later. I will have one, but it will never replace Jjun. I really love Jjun, sincerely. He's my first pet ever, of course. I have too much free time after letting him go. Before this, I could use my free time to play with him. To bring him to the park and let him play with nature. I could give him a bath, or watch him eating happily. I could wash his cage, at least my time is not wasted with just being in front of the laptop.

I miss you, smelly buddy. Be a good guy to your new father. Remember me, please :( I miss you................................................ I really miss you, Jjun. I want to feel your warmth for the very last time, please. I really miss you, I do. 

The very emotional girl and is crying right now,

hkmhz.

Hello, peeps.

I am now in Jengka, doing a short semester program (intersession) to retake MAT233 (Calculus 2) which I failed before. Today is officially my fourth day in UiTM Pahang, though intersession just started yesterday. After 3 semesters being a non-resident back in Arau, I got to feel being a resident, again. I was placed at room A3-40, Block A (Aishah), Kolej Tun Teja.

Yes, I'd love to compare both campuses I've been to (UiTM Perlis and UiTM Pahang).

Plus points for UiTM Pahang from my point of view

1. There are 10 colleges available for girls. T-E-N, 10! 8 were new and the other 2 (which one of them is where I am now) were the old college. 
2. For academic blocks, well, since my class is held only at FTA2-16 in the Fast Track building (its 'scientific' name is Leucaena) is okay. Reminds me of UiTM Perlis' Star Complex but way smaller than it. They have this newly built academic building and its situated on top of a small hill - not that high but will be a tiring adventure for those going to class by foot.
3. It is advisable for you to go to classes by foot since the short cuts are truly... short? You can see a major difference if you go by car and by foot. For me, I will usually go to morning class by foot and drive for evening class.
4. Marrybrown is in town like hello they have 3 options for fast foods: KFC, PHD and MB! Beat that, Arau! (Ehem food is important for a fat girl like me ehehew)

Less than 5 days to reach the end of this semester. If I score this semester's finals and get good result, I will only have 1 semester left for diploma. Which means, soon, I will be parting ways with my diploma friends. I might, and might not see them again. I might and might not be in their minds all the time, but after experiencing lots of hardships in finding true friends, I began to treasure some of my diploma's course mates.

Some, not all.

Semester 1 - Seeing new faces for the first time ever. Heard that some of my primary school friends were in the same campus, but only 1 of them is in the same course as mine, which is Amnan. I wasn't close to him since before, so I rarely talk to him. This first semester of diploma; fresh and new chapter of my life begun. I made some friends during orientation week but those friends won't last long. Proven now, though, none of them thought of contacting me first. For the first semester, I was close to Farhana, well basically, with the girls (and boys) in my group. Zharfan, Luqmanul and Zhafri, not to mention the rest, were the closest one to me. Before.

Semester 2 - Kicked out from the resident list so I lived my life as a non-resident instead, and I became closer to Amalina since we lived in the same area. We were the total opposite of each other but like magnet that attracts other magnet with opposite magnetic field; we attract each other because of the difference in our characteristics. Hah, I was close to Nabihah too, since we're like the non-resident team-thingy hahaha. Old times. I became quite distant with others since they're in resident colleges while I... I was alone in the house with literally no housemates since they went out a lot.

Semester 3 - Where everything falls apart. This happened and that happened, suddenly I hate Nabihah while Amalina and I became strangers again, nearing the end of the semester. This was the worst semester, for the record. Bad things happened - I lost my motivation, I lost hope, I lost trust on people, but I gained a car to ease me travelling in Perlis (and Kedah and Penang...) I knew cool guys from other groups and began to hang out with them quite often too. I am not that close to them, but to just be friends with them, I feel so happy :)

Semester 4 - The level of awkwardness between groupmates increased and the distantce between us became larger as well. I moved to a new house and lived together with Aida. New adventure, again. We became the new inseparable twins(?) since most of the times, I'll be seen together with Aida and vice versa. We share so many things in common and it's freaky oh my god! Haha. This semester is a bit plain. All I feel is the gap between other friends and I became deeper and larger. At times, I feel like I'm better off a loner. Without partner.

Ah... Time passes by, cruelly nearing catching up with the time for us to part ways. Yes, I can't wait to graduate and to be away from Perlis because of all the terrible things happened but I couldn't just forget all good friends I met here, right? I just hope that I will always be in their minds, as how often they are in my mind.

Farhana, the cheeky, petite Malay, blessed with Chinese-look.

Aida, the one with brain that I'm jealous of.

Zuhairah, the one who looks the happiest while eating.

Luqmanul, the... the... the bro that loves to belanja people.

Azri, the one perasan artis but full of humorous jokes.

Amnan, the childhood friend who became nice to me :P

Fauzan, the budak I thought sombong but he's humorous and nice.

Syauqi, the one whom I put my full trust in driving my car.

Izwan, the only guy I respected among all - he has good sides despite looking so rempit-ish.

Okay malas nak sebut nama sorang sorang because honestly, I'm not that close to all people pun. It happens that some of the names are listed as they love to borrow my car so they act so baik to me but they are kind so I like them for their kindness hahaha but I will always remember your kindness, the way you treat me. Yay what's with this crappy entry, it's supposed to be emotional and sad and tear-worthy *cries* Tapi aku sayang korang tau, muehehe segan nk cakap okay bye

Gonna hop to convenience store to chill. Kinda. Bye :D

I actually love to talk. At times, I recorded videos of myself talking nonsense and linked them to my friends hahaha which is, a stupid habit, actually. But because of this hobby, I thought of making vlog. Travel vlog, to be exact. As I'm currently studying in Arau, Perlis, I've went to many interesting places and when I wanted to tell about them to my friends, I know they won't have the same image like what I wanted them to imagine to. They couldn't see what I see, they couldn't feel what I feel. So I thought that doing travel vlog is actually a good thing.

Thing is, I have no suitable gadgets for it. I am still collecting money to own a DSLR, as videos recorded by DSLR has a higher quality...? The current camcorder at home can only recorded in low quality. It's not HD. Thus, less feel for the video hahaha do you get what I mean? Like during my trip to Bukit Ayer with classmates before, one of them recorded random videos of us having fun using a DSLR and it comes out really pretty! The super high quality makes it really breathtaking! Wait what, I feel like my English became worst ohmygod

Nahh I won't be like matluthfi since I don't have the skill to be a good vlogger. My communication skills sucks big time, and travel vlog is the best choice for me because I will be recording the sceneries and the details of the places more than I will record myself hahaha agree? And oh, besides travel vlog, I'd upload videos of my hedgehog as well! I already created a Youtube account for it, oops, sorry for being impatient haha.

Okay so let's end the talks of wanting to be a vlogger.

I am actually worried for so many things. Like, I tried my best for this examination but somehow I feel like I will fail certain subjects? I have the confidence that I can actually score but for the previously mentioned 2 subjects, I have the least confidence in them. What if I had to extend 1 semester just to sit for a single paper? What if my parents had enough with me, and eventually will never care about me, the one who always frustrates them in any way?

...

I just got a really shocking news that made me stopped writing my entry for I don't know how many minutes. Anyway, my sister, Shiema, got a really awesome news that she is accepted to be a student in the course she applied for so go and wish her the best!!!! And this marks the end of my entry. I need to study for tomorrow's paper.

Hello,

Wow it's the 6th day of April and I only blogged once in March. Nice. I love being a busy student. Looks like I only able to change the skin for April but not for March :( So yeah, Luhan for April! Why, you ask? He's born in April :)

So, anyway, I'm currently sitting for my finals. Tomorrow, 7th of April, I will be sitting for my fourth paper and also my father's birthday! I don't have anything as present, though. This is me. I'm literally awkward with my parents. I promised them to increase my CGPA and GPA for this semester, but I'm afraid I couldn't achieve that later. I have 2 papers with the least confidence - Linear Algebra I and Practical Approach of Operating Systems.

For Linear Algebra - I admit, I have no idea about the main thing of this subject. All I know it's related to matrices. It was my first paper, and I faced it with obstacles. I was struggling to get all the formulas, I was dying inside to resolve the questions. And I'm doomed. Pretty much sure that I failed big time. I couldn't manage to answer all questions in time given. I'm sorry, mom and dad, I've let you down, again.

For Practical Approach of Operating Systems - let's be honest, it's not that hard. It's pretty much simple but the main problem lies on the lecturer. Our tests and quizzes were marked strictly by following the answer sheet 100%, so those who use different words from the scheme will be deducted marks. And hey, I cheated during the test - I answered by referring to the slides he gave and guess what, the answers are all wrong. I got 8 and a half over 50 for that test. Bam.

I'm doomed. We're doomed. I hope that he will change that attitude of his and try to be more acceptable with students' answers. This is his first semester of teaching - I understood, but I never thought he will be this bad. I mean, younger lecturers are supposed to be more flexible and understand the students more? No?

Anyway, I need to revise for tomorrow with full concentration now. No more playing around. I will try to score no matter what. I've been a really bad student for this semester. Hm.

Hello :)

So these few days I've been in a serious fever called... yeah hedgehog's fever. It started with a friend messaged me about her boyfriend bought a pair of hedgehogs for her birthday in which, she gets the female ones and her boyfriend will keep the male hedgie.

Coincidentally, Ina was tweeting that she wanted to buy a hedgie and this makes me crave to have one as pet as well. I never had a pet before (the fishes at my home are mom's, kot) so yeah I'm highly excited to own this hedgehog!

At first I wanted an apricot breed but Ina said it's one of the rare breeds so it'll be a bit pricey to own one, so I asked about the cinnamon breed and it's quite affordable for a student like me :D Hedgehog is so cute, okay, and I think most of those people who has hedgie as pets chose the albino ones because they are... cute? I don't know. Their red eyes is quite disturbing to me o.o

I told mom about this and she just said okay and I still can't believe that she gave me a green light to pet such exotic pet eeeep I am happy yayyyy---

Still counting the days for me to meet mine and I hope it will be a male because I have epic ((anime)) names for it :3 Come to mama baby~

Hello, I am supposed to be studying for a test that will be held later tonight and I have 2 projects awaiting me to be finished and here I am, typing this motiveless entry because I feel tired of studying.

I slept on 7:30AM last night just because I was adjusting my itinerary and budget and stuffs and around 7AM, I was stuck in organizing the trip for the 4th day and onwards. I had to dig more and more tourist spots and heck, it gave me a major headache! I slept until 12PM (because I'm a princess wuhuu) and I went out to Kangar to meet my friend.

I spent my evening with a group discussion which was spent mostly on eating and playing games and talking nonsense and watching animes and thinking of our future... And this one friend of mine has the craziest mind on programming, like, he's really great in it but he doesn't want to continue learning Computer Science for degree. He's interested in learning languages which is so like me. But I decided to choose the other way - I mean, I'd love to continue my degree with any courses related to Computer Science. 

By the way, I keep playing on this song the whole day! Standing Still by U-KISS. It's a Korean group but don't worry because most of the members speak English and the song has more English lyrics which makes it easier to sing along to it :)

I am actually feeling so hungry right now. I was bloated on dinner time because I ate so much during the day but c'mon scumbag stomach why do you have to feel hungry now? I don't even have the guts to go out to buy foods :( And stupid me for browsing my gallery and I saw the picture of burger bakar I took before. The patty is so fat oh my god

Hehehe I ordered double patties and managed to slice only 1 patty that time XD But look, it looks so fat omg omg omg drooling :Q___________________

Oh ya I know I'm supposed to edit my blog since it's March already but arghh I don't really have time to, you know, to make my blog pretty and flashy and grand or whatever. If I ever have time to edit and stuffs then I will. Mehh I still haven't finish my HTML project and my work is to design the template and such. Crying. I love coding but why it has to take lots of energy bla bla bla okay  no more complaining.

You know what I feel so awkward to end my entry like all the time :( I don't know what should I say or what should I put or what should I express so since I don't know anything, I should just put a picture of my lock screen

...because gorgeous Kim Jaeseop hehehehe okay bye XD

Not gonna write a long essay in this post, will be posting mostly pictures (again). I'm reconsidering certain universities in Korea for my degree, insyaAllah, so this will be the list of universities with the courses or major that I'm interested in. I'll be narrowing the list down after I do the pros and cons of going to each university. 

*                *                *

Hongik University - 

So last Friday night, my course had a dinner for this semester. The theme was Red de Luna, which, if it's translated in English, means Red Moon. It is actually based on vampires, and the original name was Bloody Moon. Since it's inspired by vampires, the main colours for that night are red, black and white.

I've uploaded most the pictures on Facebook but um, let's serve you with few pictures of me on that night :)

Habit is a behavioural action that is repeated regularly and tend to occur subconsciously.  Old habits are hard to break and new habits are hard to form because the behavioural patterns we repeat are imprinted in our neural pathways. Habit is hard to get rid of but my question is, does habit has to live with you permanently?

Actually, the answer is no. You can choose to live without certain habits, which is also known as the bad habits. Habit is something that can be changed, even if it takes time. If you made a mistake, you can't simply say, "It's my habit; deal with it." That is rude, and when you're rude to other people, she or he will automatically mark you as a rude kid. In a different context, it just means that you're a lazy ass hole feeling you're living your life to the fullest.

I used to be one of the spoilt brat. I used to be rude, I used to talk with cussing words in between because I felt it was cool to do so. I was wrong, I know, and I realized how childish I was back in those days. Though some of those uncool behaviour became my bad habits now, I tried to tone them down. Not all people can handle cuss words. Not all people can handle people talking rudely even if they know that it's his (or her) bad habit.

It was hard, I admit. To try not to cuss is really hard. To try not to talk in foul language is actually a torture for this spoilt brat. You see, I am comfortable enough to be viewed as one of the 'bro' instead of 'sis' and with this dirty mouth of mine, the boys easily view me as one of the 'bro' as well. I used to say "Don't act like you're that good," when the boys asked me to stop cussing.

Now, I feel so embarrassed that I can die just by reminiscing how stupid I was back in those days.

I spontaneously chose this topic because of someone was rejecting me quite harshly when that individual can actually try to reject me with good words so no hard feelings going on and no misunderstanding occurs, right? ;) I was trying to be nice but yeah, this girl right here is not your ordinary type of girl. I am not the typical girl you see, not the typical girl you expect I will be.

Don't try to defend yourself and say that it is your habit to talk harshly. You can change but you chose to live with that habit. Don't give that excuse to my face, as I will never entertain that as a legit excuse to escape from your mistake.

Anyhow, guys, we should try to tone down our bad habits. Not only for girls, but boys as well. I know it's hard but let's try to be a better person from day to day :) Ending this entry with

HANDSOME LOGAN LERMAN SMIRKING TO I DON'T KNOW WHO! *SIGHING

People around me are getting married and most of them are my peers. People with same age range with me. Do I feel jealous? Of course, I do. Seeing that most of my peers found their soulmates and ended up marrying and live happily as a couple... It is seriously the nicest thing on Earth.

Congratulations to those who got their status changed from single to married :)

/ / /

This will be a post about me swimming through my own thoughts. Read if you want, close if you feel lazy to do so because this is purely me vs my thoughts, difference is this will be in written form. I warned you, so yeah.

/ / /

So I had this friend, a male friend, for about 6 years. I dated him back then, hahaha well it was during my zaman jahiliah when having a date looks cool and awesome ohgodwhy but we didn't last long since it was only cinta monyet lewlz yeah you could say that back then, love is my game. 

We lost contact for a year and somehow, he added me on Facebook and apparently he still remembers my phone number. So yeah, he contacted me, and we talked normally as what friends do. He did ask to be mine again, but I have no faith in him. He cheated on me back then, and I caught him dating with multiple girls during that time. Of course, I knew everything since I am a certified stalker. Yay.

I had him rejected and he stopped contacting me. Even changed to a new number. Again, we couldn't contact each other but this time, it is for about... 3 or 4 years? I was unintentionally searching for his name on Twitter since I was thinking of him that day. To be really honest, I forget most of the things happened in my past (excludes the ones that leave deep scars in me) but yeah, I forgot most of the events I went through before.

So I found his Twitter, followed him and tweeted him without expecting any reply since, well, he ignored me before. Unexpectedly, he replied to mine and he said that he's happy that I contacted him back...? Lol siapa taknak contact siapa dulu ni oi. After a few times of replying short text messages with him constantly saying I love you, I asked for explanation.

"I still love you" - so you only realized after years that you need/love me? Nahh maybe it's not me that you want. Maybe. Lol yeah ignored. Teehee. But another problem(?) came out. I can't seem to contact him (the other him, not the person I mentioned before in this post) and it's been days and I'm worried if anything happens to him :(

I hope you are doing fine.

Holiday's ending yet you're nowhere to be found.............................................

I miss you so much so please text me when you're okay

Hello,

I was supposed to sleep but then my previous skin annoys me too much that I thought of changing it instantly. Okay, I know, I am supposed to code my skin by myself but it will be a whole load of work for me since it's 4 AM so I decided to change the background and header.

February is supposed to be decorated with red and pink since it's like the colours that represent February the most...? I don't care hahaha since for me, black is neat. Hence, the black static background with a galaxy-themed header featuring new love of my life, Logan Lerman!

So, ta-dahhh! My blog's February look. I really really really really really want to change my blog URL but since I promised to use this as long as I can, I think I shall wait for it. Hmm. But I changed my blog's name from the Japanese words and a star to Kimmy's Journey. Easy.

#noteToSelf I should practice doing graphic and work on my writing and coding

It's 5:15 AM now, I really need to sleep or else I'm a dead meat :/ Good night :)